I don’t know how to put this… It’s just not working out. I want you to know it’s not you, it’s me. I have become a bit obsessed with you and have lost myself along the way. I think we need a break. Please know that you are not alone. I am also taking a break from your friends; iPhone, iPad, MacBook, Netflix, Gmail and online celebrity “news”. I am tired. You all take an enormous amount of effort and at this point in our relationship, I feel like I am doing all the work. What do you do for me? You just sit there waiting for me and inevitably I run to you the second I am overcome with feelings of loneliness, sadness or overwhelm – what kind of one-way crazy relationship is that?
It is not really fair to put all of this on you, and so, it is time for me to take responsibility for my feelings. I no longer wish to rely on any of you to help me feel a certain way. I don’t want to be distracted anymore from my feelings. I have been using you. I want to thank you for letting me in the the parts of my life where I felt like I needed your distraction and validation. You have certainly helped to shape my worldview. The world became smaller through you but unfortunately my small world began to seem further and further away from me.
I’m going to spend my time away from you to re-connect with some old flames. I am sorry if this hurts you but I find myself longing for quiet alone time unplugged from the rest of the world. I am remembering the love affair I once had for books and pray that they will have the patience and forgiveness to take me back. There is also a yoga mat and prayer pillow that have been missing me in the early hours that I sleep through because of my late night trysts with you. Finally, my family – I pray that they will help me to savour the precious time when there was little or even no computer in the house, when we didn’t all have phones and we actually spent evenings playing boardgames, watching a movie together without distractions, cuddling, dancing wildly to music in the kitchen, baking, cooking and crafting our time away – getting to know one another with patience and care.
So, Facebook (and the others), although we never officially committed to one another, please accept this letter as a reason why you will not see much of me in the coming days, weeks and months ahead. I will keep this blog connected to you in case anyone cares to read it. By anyone, I mean the actual people living with beating hearts who are sometimes interested in what I have to say. You know, the messy ones, the ones that can’t be simply turned off or used at my convenience – the ones that need me as much as I need them. I’ll check in once and awhile (especially with email) to keep connected but will no longer mistake connection with “keeping in touch”. You can officially change my relationship status to “alone but not lonely”. I am moving back in with the life that was once my own – the one I created and thoroughly enjoyed before you – the one filled with real people, conversations, true quiet and love.
See you in passing, until then,
(Dear Readers, my blog will still post wherever it is that you are reading it now. If you wish to connect with me outside of technology please contact me. You will already have my contact info or know how to come by it through our connections in the “real” world. If you comment here I will receive it via email and will get back to you on one of my designated times to check and answer mail. Peace, peace, peace.)
First on my list of things to order and read is the book that inspired me to make this post: “Alone Together – Why We Expect More From Technology and Less From Each Other”. Thank you to Dr. Sherry Turkle for writing it and for Dr. Carmel Forde for introducing me to her work.