James Taylor is a genius.
“If the sky above you should turn dark and full of clouds
and that old north wind should begin to blow,
keep your head together and call my name out loud.
Soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
I’ll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call and I’ll be there.”
Now, I can’t pretend to know who Mr. Taylor was talking about in these lyrics but I like to think he is talking about God.
I’ve missed posting here. Now that a wonderfully busy summer has come and gone and I am settling into my new routine of balancing school, studio and family life I will be able to spend more time in this realm of reflection and self-expression. I have returned to formal education for the first time in 20 years. Being in University is a manifestation of an intention I set last January when a Call to ordered ministry became clear. There was a beautiful moment, about a week into school, when I was walking across campus carrying my backpack and I realized that, in that moment, I was exactly where I envisioned myself months before. The moment overwhelmed me and tears escaped my eyes as I smiled like, well, like a giddy school girl! In that moment, the power of clear intention was inescapable.
If I decided to follow the path of “there is no way I can do that”, “that’s crazy impossible”, or “life is good, why mess that up?”, (which were only a few of the thoughts in my head) then I am not sure what my life would look like today. Instead, I chose to answer a Call, to listen to the Voice and trust that God would lead me in the right direction. I can tell you that this went completely against the way I was living my life. I was in control. I said I had faith in God and professed to go with the flow yet, I was still standing on the bank watching the river go by. It wasn’t until I jumped in the water of my life that I began to live the truth of who I am meant to be. That is not to say that it has been easy.
Sometimes there is doubt (okay, more than sometimes). As the James Taylor song says, sometimes the sky above me turns dark and full of clouds and that old north wind begins to blow. Am I doing the right thing? Will my studio sell or is that even the right thing to do? Am I studying the right things? Am I giving enough time to my family? Is getting pneumonia a sign? What about the panic returning to my life, does that mean I am doing the wrong thing? I, I, I… When these questions take over and fear begins to grip, I know it is time. Time to call on a power greater than my self. To call out the name of God.
And God comes. God comes in the voice of my daughter telling me she is so proud of me. God comes in my friend suddenly sending me a text to say she loves me. God comes in my husband holding me close and ensuring me that I am doing the right thing. God comes in so many incredible ways but God comes every time. And when God comes I am reminded that the Holy Spirit never left. That It was within me all along residing in the Holy Temple of my heart. Invoking the name of God is, in fact, me returning to that truth. God is with me and I am never alone. Thanks be to God.
“In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears.” ~Psalm 18:6