It has been awhile since I posted here. I sit before the screen now, committing to sharing more often. From an emotional point of view I have had difficult time these last few months. In hindsight, I recognize that I was experiencing grief on many levels. The first wave of loss began to come over me when I decided to sell the yoga studio I spent the last four years creating. I was surprised by the burden of depression brought on by this decision because it generally felt like the right choice. I liken it to a mother releasing her child out into the world to University, Marriage or some other seemingly happy and natural life progression. In the meantime, I stepped back from teaching to finally pay attention to the administration details that had always played second fiddle to my students and teaching. I wanted to make sure that the studio could survive even if I didn’t teach the majority of classes. I am happy to report that it has! But, again, the happiness was tainted with loss. I miss teaching a lot! The third loss came when my family said goodbye to my brother-in-law Bruce when he suddenly passed away after a long fight with cancer…we were not prepared for him to leave yet and it hit hard. Bruce was the third close family member to pass in as many years and his loss was felt deeply in my bones.
While diligently working on all I needed to do to prepare the studio for sale, I was facilitating a teacher training program, struggling to decide if I wanted to complete my own Yoga training, waiting to start meetings with my discernment team in pursuit of my desire to be a Minister and checking the mailbox every day for the University acceptance letter that was never there. I was taking less and less time for self-care. My physical practice became a memory, my meditation practice; a myth and my prayer life; a dream. I stepped back from life on so many levels while remaining so in it that it was overwhelming at times. A few weeks before Bruce died, I started to awaken to my state of mind and it became clear that I needed to change. But, I didn’t really want to…not yet.
A new friend and I began to have weekly meetings to check in with each other. We call these “mirror” sessions and they have been powerful. Each week one of us takes a turn holding up the figurative mirror to the other and calling each other out on the truth. You know those words that you hear in your head but hide because they are simply too painful, too true, or we know that if we act upon them it might just seem like too much work! It was the kick in the butt I needed to make some major changes from inside to partner with the life changing work I was doing on the outside.
I am happy to report that as a result of these sessions, I am keeping the studio while in school, I was accepted to University, I have changed my lifestyle and have lost 15 pounds (so far) and I am feeling happier and more connected with the people who really matter in my life.
And here I am again. I look forward to making these check-ins a regular intervals. I love to write because it is freeing to my soul. If you have read this far, I thank you for being with me on this journey. Peace to you this night. See you again soon.
May the Light of God protect you, may the Love of God surround you and may you experience God’s everlasting Peace.