I am writing to you today with a terrified but excited heart. Since I was a small child I have felt called to be a part of the church. I have always known that God had wanted me to be a Spiritual leader in some way. I have tried to deny this calling all my life fearing that should I answer it and fulfill what God has in mind for me that I would be seen as apart from other people. Despite outward appearances, my effort to ignore the voice of God and my willingness to accept the illusion of fitting in, I have always felt apart.
In these last few years I made a dramatic shift in my professional career from Medical Laboratory Technologist to Yoga Teacher and entrepreneur. I thought that this was my way of appeasing God’s call. Here I lead people to discover their spirit through movement and meditation. I have counseled my students through their joys, their doubts and even their grief as their teacher and as a life coach. I thought that this would be enough.
Recently, I embarked on a training to upgrade my skills as a Yoga teacher and thought I would quietly learn in the background. Again, I just wanted to fit in. In working in an exercise where we were asked to reveal our Dharma code (Life’s purpose). God’s will for me was so concise in the writing that appeared from my hand. The truth in that moment was profound. The support I felt in the room when I shared the words that were in my tears was enlightening. These words revealed to me as my purpose were:
“I surrender to the will of God and fearlessly trust the Divine to lead me.” If I am true to this purpose then I can no longer hid my light for fear that I will not be able to connect to or be accepted by others. I am understanding that I am different. God made me to stand out. Someone said to me, “How dare you refuse to shine when you could Light up the whole world if you wanted to.” I feel that God wants me to minister.
I am asking for your help today as my church home and as my community of faith as I discern what this call means. I have felt it inside since I was a child. My students often call my classes their “Yoga Church”. They don’t say “when you lectured” but instead say things like, “when you preached today you touched my heart, how did you know that is what I needed to hear?” Even Rev. Phillip has shared that he has envisioned me in a white robe and collar. I am not sure how many more messages God will send!
Please know that I am afraid and do not step into this journey lightly. It is a long time coming and I had hoped that I could wait much longer before answering the call. God is louder than all my distractions now. I think that it is time for me.
Thank you for considering my application to this process. I have included the DIS 201: Action Recognizing an Inquirer with this letter.
In Light & Love,